So, on the 4th of October THIS year will mark 1 year when I set off to South East Asia on my lonesome and 18 April this year marked 1 year since my dad past away to Cancer.
It is weird but lately several people have reached out to me and asked me HOW did I go from feeling totally lost in the world to where I am now. I find it amazing how there is people who have followed me via social media since day one… reading my posts about crying in hostels, feeling lost and heartbroken. You guys have seen how much I have grown and honestly even I am surprised by how much I have achieved over the last year! Just to clarify when I say achieve I am not talking about material things IE classes, workshops and all that stuff. I am talking about achieving inner peace, mental clarity, sense of purpose in my life and happiness when I thought I would never be happy again. May sound dramatic but I honestly thought I wouldn’t ever recover from a pain like losing my dad and I truly give myself credit as HONESTLY it has only been LESS than 1.5 years AND is hasnt been easy. Shit!
I see more and more similar stories of people feeling lost in life, living a life without purpose and asking me for words of wisdom to help them find their way because I was in EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE!
I WISH there was this one fits all formula that I could give you which would save you from having to feel this way but I can only tell you my experience and what helped me.
My journey over the last years has been crazy intense and before I decided to climb out into the light I purposely crept into the darkness and felt every inch of pain that filled my very being.
Thinking of that time it seriously make my eyes fill because I can feel those emotions like it was yesterday.
I went out into Asia with the intention of DOING THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY! BAM! At the time it was focusing on my travel photography and blogging. It is that simple!!!
The thought of what I want to do in life after being made redundant, being dumped by my BF and losing my dad just seemed like a question that was just too big for me in that moment.
A dear friend who I met whilst on my travels even did an Angel Card reading and told me ‘YOU WILL FIND YOUR LIFE PURPOSE DURING THIS TRIP’. I REMEMBER SOBBING and saying back to her ‘really?, I just don’t see that happening right now’. So my tip number one:
1: LIVE FOR TODAY AND FILL YOUR TIME WITH THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY:
This is HUGE!! WHY? Because by doing something that creates happiness in your life you break this cycle of having to know, which creates mental stress, anxiety. You then overthink that YOU NEED TO know, then you stress some more and then having to know the answer you then think about it some more!! EXHAUSTING RIGHT?!
Simply, just don’t think about that question because that viscous cycle is counterproductive!! It is getting you no closer to the answer that you seek. By doing things that make you happy like a pottery class, yoga class, rock climbing or what ever it is! It means you are getting out there, increasing your vibration, creating opportunities and meeting people. The universe is then opening doors and bringing the right people into your life!!
2: LET GO OF THE EXPECTATION OF HAVING TO KNOW! GO WITH THE FLOW:
I had absolutely NO idea that I would be doing what I am doing now!! Be open to suggestions and ideas and not have an expectation of a final outcome. Take things for how they are in that moment. A friend mentioned to be about Vipassana and recommended I do it. I had never heard of Vipasana for example which is a 10 day silent retreat but hey I was open to the suggestion and did it while I was in Indonesia! Meditation changed my life!
Learning where you choose to place your focus of concentration is crucial! I cant you tell you how much meditation changed the game for me.
Our brains are well over stimulated and we are losing the battle with stress, anxiety, depression and all sorts of mental health issues on the rise. Meditation allows us to re gain control over our minds and of course it takes practise just like any other form of exercise. BUT just MAKE the time to be with yourself even if it is for 5 mins.
4: KNOW THAT YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR REALITY. THEY ARE ONLY THOUGHTS:
Just as the title says. Just because we may have thoughts of:
You don’t know enough – you are weak – you are not good enough – you could never do that – your ugly…
Those thoughts are not actually our reality. Just because we THINK IT doesn’t make it true!
5: YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN SAVIOUR:
This one was a hard one for me to stomach. When I felt like the world had swallowed me whole I wanted someone… a knight in shining armour to come and rescue me. To save me and make me feel better… to make it all ok.
NO…. This may sound a bit harsh but I come from a place of love. YOU and YOU alone have to put the work in IF you want to come out the other end stronger. Of course we must go and ask for help when we feel like we need support but you need to figure it out yourself. You need to seek what it is that your soul needs. You need to sit with yourself and be your best friend, provide comfort and love and dig deep to find that courage that you need to push through. There is no short cut I’m afraid but there will be a time or moment when you will say ‘enough is enough!’ or when you’re simply sick and tired of feeling lost or low or unhappy! I remember that when that moment was for me!
6: BE OUT IN NATURE:
The joy and peace you gain from reconnecting to Mother Nature is blissful. Walk barefoot, walk in the rain, go sit in the park, sit under the sun and close your eyes. Being outside does us the world of good and it recharges us is so many ways!
7: ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, BE KIND TO YOURSELF:
Every day I would take a few hours and go and treat myself for a tea or coffee at my favourite cafes. I’d watch a movie, go for a walk, listen to music, journal or simply sit on a bench and do nothing. EVERY DAY I did something that made me happy and I focused and appreciated on those moments of happiness no matter how small or short lived it was.
8: TURN OFF YOUR PHONE:
If you feel like you have an unhealthy relationship with your mobile IE checking your phone consistently then I suggest have a few days where you are offline. Another tip is to also turn it off when you go to sleep to prevent yourself checking it throughout the night! THAT shit wont help your insomnia! TRUST ME I KNOW!
9: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO BRING HAPPINESS INTO YOUR LIFE:
I can’t tell you how vital this is! Sometimes in life you need to be cut throat and looking at your friendships, relationships and the energy you choose to surround yourself with is a vital part of your growth and development. Choose to be around people who lift, support and encourage you! Cut the cord on those relationships that are negative and pull you back.
Sometimes we get to a point where we simply outgrow our relationships and friendships. It doesn’t have to be this dramatic ending it just means you are both heading down different paths and every person comes into our lives to fulfil a purpose. That person may have needed to teach us something and now that purpose has been fulfilled and that’s ok.
I hope these tips help you in some shape or form. The journey is never easy but never let the hardship of life ever harden you. Live with an open heart, never lose hope and know that this WILL pass.